Monday, September 29, 2008

New Horizon (again with a few edits)

I've had so many changes in the past 6 months with many things it really has been amazing. I really don't know anything about astrology, but I would love to see my chart, not some generalized website bs chart, the real deal for me for this past year.

I don't feel like I have changed as a person with my ideals, values, goals, etc., but I must have to some degree without notice or perhaps I have been recognized for who I always have been and certain people didn't see the real me before (which is a good thing as far as I can tell). It's the only thing I can think of that could have initiated so many changes in the interactions and relationships I have with so many people within such a short amount of time.

Anyway, its more than just interactions with others and even has some to do with getting to know myself again. Something that I have only had the privilege to do a few times in my life. I really feel like I'm getting close to what I have wanted for a long time and that is to be content. There are 2 main things and a few realizations of myself that have just very recently happened that have allowed me this very relaxed state.

I will also say that now I can see a few of the relationships are definitely over and I guess I didn't realise how detremental or worthless they were to me as a person. I have heard the term cancerous used to describe such relationships and I now know exactly what that means, especially one in particular.

Anyway, every day I think about my life as it is now and what I am and have been searching for and my mind has been laying it out like the lyrics to a song or words to poem or something. It is strange and this is the first time I will be writing it out, so here it is.

Things that used to matter just don't matter anymore and I had been searching for a sunset I hadn't seen since I was 8. My memories of some the best things that ever happened, I wonder if they did and I miss the simplicity of life I felt when I was a kid.
For the past 10 years I've been searching for a lot of things I guess, the first time I thought I found it was in it mountain town out west. The sunset right and all was better than I imagined, but like most good things I cut it short I felt something more was waiting. I didn't know then why I left and the prairie was home agian.
Now it's obvious why I left and a lot of things have happened. The best part I'm still living and its only getting better. Things keep changing and I'm looking west while the sun is starting to set in a way I haven't seen since I was a kid.

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Anyway, I know that is lame but I'm telling you its like this evolving song in my head at random times when I'm driving.

Anyway, I'm still figuring it out and the story is far from over. Don't be surprised when you find me living in western Montana again someday.
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2 comments:

matt iv said...

this was so good to read. thanks for sharing your thoughts.

If you can think it, it can happen. said...

Thanks Matt.

Sometimes I wonder if I should post some of the things I do - this was one of them.

Sometimes I feel like I might be putting a little too much out there.

More than people might want to know, but then at the same time I think what the hell, one of the things I feel is a problem of mine is that I have worried about what everyone else thinks for so long.

Sometimes I wish the people I'm talking about would read my posts like this and know who they are, but I don't think they even know this blog exists - which is probably why I feel comfortable posting it here.

Anyway, when I do things like this I feel like I'm lifting a weight off my chest. It literally feels that way! Even talking about it now.

Anyway, thanks again. I'm glad you liked it.